Nothing is working

I've reached a point in my IT-oriented hobby where it feels like nothing works the way I want. I've spent the last few weeks devoting large amounts of time to optimizing and upgrading, only to realize that there are just as many things now that need fixing as before. All of my bulk storage and NAS hard drives are substantially slower than they should be and I have no idea why. I now think that I need to move to a new topology, seperating data and applications onto different appliances. All of my backups are still not properly automated. Everything has some flaw.  Everything brings new frustrations. I know that I've opted to tinker, to configure things myself, and to solve these problems, but I'm burning out on solving problems. Maybe this extends even beyond just my servers and my networking into other facets of my life. I've been hiding problems from my mind for the last year or so now it seems like; finding a house, a wife, job that I care about. All of it looms around the edges and leaves me with a constant, low-grade anxiety.

Further, I feel like I have no one to share these problems with. It seems like there is no one who really cares about these issues that are either too technical, too personal, or just simply not really their problems. I don't blame them; why would they care about my network attached storage struggles and victories. It's really almost all just my own self-created problems. But it is hard to keep morale without having people to share with. All of this often brings me to question why I'm even working on it. I often begin working on things because I like the creation and perfection of a system; making something that can work for me. Some of my efforts are driven by a desire for more privacy or to escape the confines of locked-in systems, bring more freedom. But over time I am stimied by the seemingly neverending imperfections, errors, and misunderstandings that come with trying to build and learn. It frequently would have just been easier to just have paid more for something already completed and functional. Why do I keep working on it? Is it even worth doing anymore? Who actually even cares? - Probably no one.

I feel like I'm just venting here. I don't want this to become a place for me just to complain. I just need to articulate the feelings and problems I'm expereincing so that I can maybe fix them too. Or maybe I can't and that's just a cascading problem in itself; properly addressing my own issues in my mind becoming another issue in my mind that I can't properly address. I probably won't actually give up, I just feel like it at the moment. But I keep encountering these feelings and thought patterns and I still don't have a great way of addressing them. They make me just want to walk away from it all. More escapism. Perhaps I can push them to the edge of my mind as well (I probably will for a while). Otherwise, I'll just continue to feel the waves of frustration wash over my mind as I keep trying to solve the problems and things keep breaking.